six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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