i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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