I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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