happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
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woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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