Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
