she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
