If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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