did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
