hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
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