Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
high people should be assigned attendants
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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