So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
