Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
