hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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