I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Randomize
