let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
