Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
