Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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