I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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