i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
