She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
