I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
id be glad to
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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