I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
