it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
