Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Dating After Heartbreak
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.