For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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