So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
