Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
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Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
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Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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