whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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