I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
