i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
