i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
