her vagine was all disorganized.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
