What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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