Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
