I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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