no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
