I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
