the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Randomize
