As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
