Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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