In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
