All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize