omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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