at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
