Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Randomize
