It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Randomize
