He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
