i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
