Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
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He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
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I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize