I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
