If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
