Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
