i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
