He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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