i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
