If i come over, it means nothing
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
