1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
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Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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