If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
