found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Did I show you my penis last night?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
